on starting over

posted on: Thursday, December 12, 2013

“For what it’s worth … it’s never too late, or in my case too early, to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit. Start whenever you want. You can change or stay the same. There are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people who have a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.” – The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

One goal for my blog from the very beginning has been to always be real and honest. This is why I take a few days off here and there. Sometimes, my mind needs a break. Some days I’m going through junk and just need to work it out offline. Some days I’m so overwhelmed I can barely think of typing anything. It happens. It’s life.

I choose to find the joy in everything, as much as I possibly can anyway. However, not everything in life is that easy and of course I know that. Most things aren’t, I suppose. This why I love blogging and keep at it. Writing down and documenting my days allows me to find and seek the beauty in the mundane, in the seemingly boring and sometimes, yes, even the hard stuff. I’m not great at it, but I try.

In the midst of my blogging break, I began seeing a counselor at church. I know many people have preconceived notions on counseling. I’ll start by saying, I’m a huge advocate of seeing a counselor. It’s nothing to be afraid of or ashamed of. It’s so helpful and even if you feel like you’ve got your life together, you will benefit from it. God revealed some incredible things to me through counseling that I hope to share here in the future. I had a few things to work through, but the main thing was trying to figure out what I want to pursue as a career. A lot of feelings stemmed from that one missing piece.

At the moment, I have no clue what I want to do with my life. I really, really don’t. I thought it was social media marketing for a long time. For two years, it was a huge part of my identity. People came to me for help, it’s what I thought about and read about. It’s what I doubted myself with, to be honest. It’s what broke my heart. There were successes and real low points throughout the journey, as most journeys go, and there were many, many closed doors.

A few months ago, I started feeling a tug away from it. God was quietly telling me that it wasn’t what He had planned for me. Of course, He only lets me know bits of the puzzle at a time, but was that really true? Was this career that I’d been pursuing really not the right thing for me? It was hard to understand, but once I talked through it and said the words out loud, things began happening that further proved to me that it really was time to let go.

As of January 1st, I will no longer call myself a social media manager, I will not be managing social media accounts for anyone other than myself. Part of my identity will change, big time. While it’s incredibly scary, because I have no idea what my next step is, and there’s a good chance I’ll be getting a part-time job while I’m figuring it all out, it’s incredibly exciting as well. Like roller-coaster exciting. I’m a big believer in creating a beautiful life, but I also know it is so much easier said than done.

A few weeks ago, I took the Strong Interest Inventory and it has really been opening my eyes to possible careers. A few of them have really resonated with me, but there’s still a lot to think about before I jump head first into something else. There’s a good chance I will need to go back to school, there’s a good chance it’ll take me many more years to get to where I want to be, but it’s exciting nonetheless.

I wanted to share all this with you to let you know that if you’re figuring it all out, whether you’re 26, 48, 99, that you’re really not alone. We’re all figuring it out and I want to take you on this journey with me as I discover what that looks like.

  • kellymitchem

    This was great, I feel this way all the time. Like I still have no idea what I want to do, I have a great job that I am thankful to have but I would love to find what makes me truly happy :)

  • just found you through caseys linkup and your words connect with my heart. life is just hard and messy at times, but beauty comes from those hard messy times. and what ever its worth we all need counselors, we all are counselors! xo.

  • Renee Soriano

    This is my first time here and I am happy to have found you through Casey’s link up. Just reading this one post makes me want to go back to the posts that brought you to this place in your life. I am 39 and just now went back to college and it’s been a great experience. Wishing you lots of luck in your future and you are definitely in good hands. He always keeps us firmly in His grip. xo

  • Oh Renee, that just makes my heart swell. I’m so happy you found what you wanted to pursue and are going for it. That’s incredible! It takes a lot to start over at any age. Thank you for the encouragement! It means the world to me.

  • “We all are counselors” YES! I love absolutely love that. We are! We all have the ability to be great listeners for those around us and help share truth when it’s hard for them to see it. Such a beautiful message, Janene!

  • You most definitely can and will! I have faith in that. What a blessing to have a great job while you’re figuring it out. Never forget to chase those dreams, Kelly. You can do it!

  • Laura

    Inspirational! Happy New Year! :)

  • patty

    so interesting that i would land here, but then, i’m a big believer in being guided by powers greater than myself… :) i am just about 48 (one of those numbers you mentioned) and i am still struggling with who i want to be. well, not ‘still’, but ‘again’… life changes and as it does, so too do our roles/responsibilities/callings… i’m excited for a new year and new opportunities for new beginnings. i hope you enjoy your journey of self-discovery; i was overcome w stress and worry about it myself until only just these last few days. life is about becoming… learning, bending, breathing… love to you on this road. xo