if today was a color, it would be gray

posted on: Thursday, February 28, 2013

Today hasn’t been the best day. You know how excited I was about this idea? Well, I’ve been sharing it with others lately. Some really enthusiastic and some, not so much. Hearing someone else’s truth(that may be the whole truth of it) about something you dream about doing is hard when it’s not in line with what you thought. I was already feeling down on myself, on my idea and then someone says something and it feels like the nail on the “I want to go curl up in a ball and cry” coffin on a hard day. The tears forming in my eyes and the lump rising in my throat. It’s not a good feeling.

I’m just feeling a bit defeated today, friends. A bit like a failure. An unemployed failure. You ever feel that way? I know it can’t just be me.

I want to capture the beautiful things in life on this blog, the good stuff. I do. That’s why I love blogging. It makes a donut on a Sunday feel newsworthy. Or an ordinary weekend feel a little more special. But sometimes life isn’t all donuts and Sundays and everyone has hard days and maybe I need to tell you about mine so you don’t feel so alone. Maybe.

I really wish I was more self-assured, sometimes I wish I didn’t have a tendency to e-mail perfect strangers whose blogs I admire and spill my heart to them. Even though they’re super sweet in return, really. I wish I didn’t need self-assurance from anyone but myself and God. But I do need it, that encouragement. Oh, I need it too much some days. Like today. When my thoughts and dreams overwhelm me and I’m just afraid to fail again. To let everyone else down.

Life isn’t bad, life really is great. But these days seem to happen once a month for me, the days I doubt everything. But I’ll pick myself up, brush myself off and feel excited again tomorrow. I will. Until then, I’m just going to live in the gray for a while.

  • Jes

    Gray days help us appreciate the brightly colored ones. Hang in there and have faith!

  • Hey Katylove:-)

    I know what you mean… I act independent, but so crave that outside reassurance!

    God has many things for us to learn. And, to learn, we must struggle. I’d like to say it’s not so, but it is.

    And the Lord is gracious in these lessons.

    Miss you!!
    You gonna be around PP Monday afternoon?