blue monday

posted on: Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Yesterday was one of those days, you know? Yes, you know the ones. Funny, because it was apparently the most depressing day of the year anyway. I didn’t think I would fall victim to this “Blue Monday” but, alas, I did. No one is immune, I suppose. I find it’s a bit easier to have these down days where I’m feeling hard on myself, when issues that make me anxious feel full blown and I can’t get out of my own head. I’ve been dealing with anxiety issues since I was a kid. I haven’t talked about that much on here, but let’s just say that when I was in high school, I was nervous to go anywhere. Going to the mall felt like going on a roller coaster.

It’s hard to not care what people think about you when people make you nervous in the first place. My social anxiety is so much better now, but I still deal with anxiety often. It’s pretty much become a way of life. I even have a bottle of Rescue Remedy in my purse.

I don’t know where I’m going with this necessarily, but maybe just to say that it’s too easy for things to look perfect through a social media filter. It’s easy to hide our anxieties and fears when we don’t have to interact face-to-face with each other everyday. We feel the need and desire to find the perfect and positive in our daily lives and only share that part, but sometimes I’m just tired of focusing on the positive when everything in me feels worn down. Please don’t get me wrong, I love to focus on the good stuff and I try to as much as possible, but boy it’s exhausting some days.

It’s these days that I really need to lean on on God with all my might. Thankfully He pulls me out of it, but it’s a daily fight and today was a day I didn’t feel like fighting. The tears came, I hugged Adam tighter than normal, I just felt off for most of the day and exhausted from it.

The beauty in all of this, the positive I want and need to focus on, is that today is a brand new day and I get a another chance to make it great. Another day to take deep breaths, to pray for peace and to focus on the good stuff. Sometimes we need to spend a little time in darkness to be able to truly appreciate every bit of light in our lives. At least, I like to think so.

“When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.” Psalm 94:19

  • Thank you so much for your post. It must of been very hard to write. I also have anxiety which for years controlled me, now I have a better handle on it. I have to say though that I had an AWFUL panic attack going to bed Sunday night and a bunch of mini ones yesterday. It’s crazy that it was the sadness day of the year, I didn’t even know! I am going to look into Rescue Remedy, does it work and how does it work?

  • jen

    i have struggled with depression in the past and since having our 2nd child last november i have been fighting anxiety issues. these things are no stranger to my family so it’s not really a surprise but still hard. our church is going through a sermon series right now called “The Gospel &..” and each week they discuss how the gospel applies to a different issue. sunday was depression and it was so good for me to hear. if you feel like listening here is a link:

    http://austinstone.org/sermons/item/the-gospel-and-depression

    one thing that stuck out to me was the pastor saying that depression is always a spiritual issue but it is not always ONLY a spiritual issue and that we need God’s common grace (including modern medicine) to help fight it sometimes. anyway, it was encouraging to me and i thought i would share just in case :)

  • Thanks for sharing Alissa! That’s awful. I haven’t had a full blown panic attack in a while, and luckily they are rare for me. Those are the worst though. I’m so sorry you have to experience them so often! Rescue Remedy is a homeopathic liquid that helps with anxiety. It comes in a dropper or you can get a spray and they even have candies. Go to any health food store(I get mine at Whole Foods) and ask someone about the different versions. I don’t know if it would help serious panic attacks, but it helps when I have that constant nervous feeling. I’ve also had a friend recommend the CD “Short Meditations For Busy People”. It’s apparently twenty minute meditations and have really helped her. I’m going to be buying it as well, I’ll let you know what I think!

  • Jen, thank you so much for sharing. I’m so sorry you have to deal with depression and anxiety. I can’t imagine dealing with that and raising two sweet kids, especially a brand new baby. I’m here if you ever want to talk or vent or anything. Feel free to e-mail me!

    It’s great to see a pastor recognize that sometimes modern medicine is necessary. Many shy away from saying that. It’s definitely spiritual. It’s my achilles heel and spiritual warfare always shows up through my anxiety. But I really believe that no one should ever feel guilty for taking medicine, sometimes it really is necessary. I actually took medicine for my anxiety in college. There’s nothing wrong with realizing extra help is needed!

    I’ll definitely be listening to that sermon! Thank you again for sharing your story and the link.

  • Katy!!! I’m so glad you shared this. I have been really struggling with anxiety for the past year, and I’m just now deciding to work on it and share my experiences in an effort for healing. Last week we couldn’t make it out to church so we watched Charles Stanley on TV (I know, I know, a TV pastor!), but I think it was really meant to be because his sermon on anxiety was powerful to my spirit and I took 3 pages of notes! Here’s the link in case you’re interested: http://www.intouch.org/broadcast/this-week-on-tv/utm_source/itm/utm_medium/web/utm_campaign/home_top_slider

  • Thank you so much for sharing your story and the link! I’ll definitely take a look at it. Feel free to e-mail me if you ever want to talk about it!

  • ammanddaaaaaa

    love u katy.

  • I have suffered from Anxiety my whole life so thank you for sharing your story. It always helps to know we are not alone.

  • When you are leaning on God with all your might, then I believe you are exactly where He wants you.
    Your post made me realize that perhaps the reason I struggle with similar issues is this point exactly. If I didn’t struggle, maybe I would think I didn’t need Him…and oh, I do…need Him.

  • You know I feel you. The greatness in these blue days and trials in our lives is that we get a new glimpse at the special people who are there for us. I’m here for you just like you’ve been there for me. You’re support and kindness always shines through.

  • Thank you, Katie! We all need that unexpected support from the community around us. You always have mine! Thank you for your kind words.

  • This comment is so beautiful Carly! Thank you for sharing it. It’s true. Our most broken moments are the ones that leave us desperate for God. At least, it does for me. I’ve been feeling plenty brokenness lately and I’m trying to lean on Him with it all but it’s tough!

  • Rachel, thanks for sharing this! You’re definitely not alone. It really does help to feel like there’s a community who understands how you feel. Anxiety can be such a lonely feeling!

  • Love you right back!