Comparison.

posted on: Tuesday, October 18, 2011

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“When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise.” 2 Corinthians 10:12b (NIV)

Comparison.

It can be such a dirty word, can’t it? It’s easier than ever to compare ourselves to others. To compare our lives with our favorite bloggers, with people you’re friends with on Facebook, on Pinterest, with twitter friends. It’s. so. easy. We’re all guilty of it. I’m most certainly guilty of it. I’ve taken time off of Facebook(best decision ever) because I’m TOO guilty of it.

I know that sometimes comparison can be good, sometimes we can look to others and be inspired or find things we can work on within ourselves. But there’s a fine line and it’s important we’re aware of it.

When we compare ourselves to others and yearn to be them or have something that they have, we’re only doing damage to ourselves.

Comparing our lives to someone who seems to have it better just leads to so much worse. It can lead us to be unappreciative of what we have right now. It can lead to ugliness within ourselves. Bitterness, resentment, self-hate, judgement of others. It’s a downward spiral.

It leads to insecurity.

I struggle with insecurity often. With friendships, with people I barely know and sometimes with my husband as well. It’s awful and it’s just a gateway to more bad thoughts and feelings.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to give comparison and nasty feelings that power. I want to work on myself and work on making myself better on the inside. I want to be happy and confident with who I am.

One day, I’m going to have children and if I am blessed with a little girl, I want her to look at her momma and see a confident woman, I never want to put myself down in front of her. I don’t want to be the reason she compares herself to others and feels insecure. I want to believe in myself so that when she grows up, she will have every reason to believe in herself too. I want to give her every tool I possibly can to show her who she is as a woman and most importantly, who she is in Christ.

When I look at my mother, she gives me every reason to feel good about myself. I want to do the same for my daughter.

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I want to be the best possible example of confidence and love to her and it starts now.

I want to love the best I can and to do that, I need to love myself. It starts with ending the nasty comparisons. It’s not easy and not something that I’ll be able to stop completely, I know that, but being aware of what I’m doing will help me to stop the action in it’s tracks.

My husband, my family, my friends, they all love me just as I am.

Most importantly, God loves us just the way that we are. Heart and all.

If those bad thoughts or feelings ever pop-up, I hope you will realize that it’s NOT based on truth. You have the choice to end it. It’s not easy, but over time it’ll become easier. It’ll make you a better parent, spouse, significant other, friend, sibling.

Love and take care of yourself, so you can better love and take care of others.

Speak truth to yourself often, give light to your insecurities, be open about them to those close to you. It’s never easy to admit where we feel insecure, but It takes some of the power away. Ask others to speak truth to you daily when they catch you speaking hurtful words to yourself. If not for you, for those looking up to you.

Remember that you are beautiful, you are special, you are important, and you are loved.

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“You are valuable because you exist. Not because of what you do or what you have done, but simply because you are.”-Max Lucado

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  • Oh, Katy! You were speaking directly to me in this post. I have a horrible, horrible habit of comparing myself to others and not appreciating myself for who I am. This is often a topic of discussion with my husband. Thank you so much for speaking about it. I often need encouragement in this area of my life and this post has been incredibly encouraging.

    “You are valuable because you exist. Not because of what you do or what you have done, but simply because you are.”

    I love that…

  • This was a great post – very thought-provoking! I am definitely guilty of falling into the comparison trap. My most frequent comparisons tend to be “her clothes are cuter,” “he is smarter than me,” etc. It’s not good and it’s something I am working very hard to stop doing. I have been blessed with knowledge and talents of my own and need to recognize their importance IN ME.

  • Love this post, my friend. I sense we have some similar things going on in life and it would do us great good to share with each other and have a good ol’ girl chat…VERY soon!! Let’s do it. :)

  • So glad this could be of some encouragement! It’s hard, it’s a lifelong process really. I love that quote as well! Thank you for your sweet comment!!

  • Definitely! Instead of wasting time worrying and wishing our lives away, we should focus on what we have to offer and work on making the talents and blessings we have, better. If that makes sense. :)

  • YES! Most definitely. :)

  • I can say I am definitely guilty of this. I wasn’t always this way. I used to be very confident in high school and college. Now I am a wreck. I compare most things I do with other people or most things I own with what other people have. I need to let it go and just be happy with who I truly am and with what I truly have. I’m just going to keep tryin every day and hopefuly soon I will win the good fight. Thanks for another eye opening reminder :-)

  • Of course! You have tons to offer the world! You’re beautiful and you have a gorgeous family. There’s some more reminding for you. :) We have so much and yet continually want more(I’m talking to myself with this). We’re so blessed with what we have. In this economy when things are so hard, it’s important to focus on all of the big and little blessings in our life. :)

  • How funny… my post is literally a (VERY) condensed version of yours! Same topic. same thoughts. Love it. I do have two daughters and I am very conscious of what I say around them. With God’s help, I seek to instill in them the confidence that only living in Christ can provide.

  • I often tell myself and the women I’m blessed to lead to run our own race! I often find myself trucking along and realize I’m looking off to the side wishing I could be running that other woman’s race. Lame and insecure. Comparison can be a tricky, subtle trap. I’m going to go spend some time searching my heart to see if I’m living in the land of comparison or if I’m running my own race. Thanks for the reminder!

  • Nick

    Katy,

    This was a beautiful and insightful post. I know that you are a great wife and one day will make an amazing mother. Of course it goes without saying that Adam will be an unstoppable force of a father.

  • Katy,

    I can relate to this post on so many different levels and it literally warmed my heart to read it and know that people out there feel exactly the same way.

    I am so guilty of comparison, especially at the beach, on FB, at parties. I also struggle with it concerning my boyfriend. But if I try really hard, I can focus on what matters and see the value in myself now— not after I lose 10 pounds or get a job etc etc. I also relate to your “one day I’ll be a mother” inspiration— showing my future daughter to be confident in herself is one of my biggest goals.

    Also can we please meet someday!

  • I so needed this, friend…beautiful words, and a great reminder that each one of us is worthy and special just as we are.

  • Loved your post! Definitely a lesson that we constantly need to reminded of. Aww, yay for your little girls! I love that your making every effort to not say certain things around them. What an amazing mom! :)

  • What a beautiful comment! I love to run, so that’s the perfect way for me to look at it! In a race, unless you’re a hardcore athlete, you’re just racing for yourself! Run your own race, don’t try and run someone else’s. Love that! Thank you so much for your comment. :)

  • I barely have any words to say to this. But of course, I have some. This just makes me want to cry, Nick. This is the nicest thing you could ever say. Thank you for this. You’re such a great friend and we miss you a ton.

  • Girl, you are so not alone in this! I think most of us do it, if not all of us. I definitely had insecurities when Adam and I were dating, so don’t feel alone in that either but also realize that it’s just lies! The more our insecurities take over, the less time we can enjoy with our significant others so work to fight those insecurities! I wish I had spent less time worrying and more time relaxing and just trusting that everything was going to work out, whether we stayed together in the long wrong or not. I needed to and still need to love myself more. Sounds a bit cliche, but it’s true. :) Hope we cross paths somehow ! :)

  • I’m so glad it helped you out. Definitely needs to be a daily reminder, that’s for sure. Love you friend!

  • Great post, great reminder. Refreshing to read!

  • Thank you so much! I’m so glad you liked it. :)

  • Love this! Love it! You are a great writer. Thak you so much for sharing.
    xo
    Andee

  • I have been struggling so much lately with my self esteem and insecurity lately through comparison that it’s driving me off the wall. I agree that there is definitely a fine line and I’m trying to not fall too far over it, but right now is questionable.

    I needed this post right now. :)

  • This is such a beautiful post. I have self-confidence issues as well. I wish it were that easy to look past them and walk with my head upright, but everything takes time, right?

  • This is so beautiful & poignant. I feel like comparison is so easy to do with the modern day age we live in. I, too, have highly decreased my time on FB b/c it was unhealthy & would almost instantly lead me into a downward spiral. Thank you for shedding light on this! So encouraging!!! Xoxo

  • Amen to that. May we all as women pave the way for the generation after us to LOVE themselves for who they are because God says they are loved and enough!