I love music.
If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, this may be a “duh” moment for you. But yes, I LOVE music.
I still have a dream tucked away in the corner of my heart that one day I’ll be able to write and play music. Note that I did not say “become famous”. But even to have a little gig once a week, at a local coffee shop, just singing. I just love music. I love performing.
One thing has always stood in the way of that..
Fear. Stage fright. An anxiety that perhaps my voice only sounds good to me. That if I tell people I love to sing and they hear me sing, they’ll think I’m crazy and dumb for wanting to do it. I’ve performed before and love it every time, but the next time I am faced with performing I clam up and get super nervous.
I’ve tried to “get over” this desire to sing. I’d ignore opportunities to audition for my church, I’d mention my love for music and singing and then hope they’d either ask me to audition or it would fall away and I wouldn’t have to put myself out there. But then God comes around again and lights that passion and dream on fire again. Then another opportunity arises.
I wasn’t supposed to see that card, the card I saw on Sunday that mentioned a church here in Charlotte was having auditions. A stack of them, quite literally, fell at my feet. After church, Adam swiped one of the cards and handed it to me. As if presenting my fear and desire in right in front of my face. All at once. Presenting the opportunity to confront the fear or to run away like I’d been doing most of my life. I told him I’d seen them but was trying to ignore it. He didn’t let me. God didn’t let me.
Well, I’ve signed up to audition and I won’t be getting much sleep in the next week. But that’s okay. God and I are going to work through my anxiety and next week I’ll get to sing. Whether or not I make it through, that’s fine. I’m just looking forward to the opportunity to grow in this and see if this is something I really want to pursue. I wondered if I should even share this. I mean, I could just keep it secret so that if I don’t make it, there’d be no need to even mention it. But life is a process, growing is a process and I want to share it all with you. So I will. Perhaps this will push someone else to step outside of their comfort zone and for that reason alone, I’m happy to share this journey with you.
Thank you for reading along.