I just had to take a moment to blog about our hot Friday night. Super hot. Mondo hot. (Do people say “mondo” anymore?)
So, Adam is currently watching Interstellar and I’m letting him because, well, he doesn’t need my permission and I just picked up two books at the library, so he can proceed with this epically long, drawn-out movie that he has been dying to see. So, he’s watching.
I just proceed to poke my head up and out of my book long enough to ask such thought-provoking questions as, “Are they on another planet now?” To which my love replies, “Yes.”
Ten minutes later, “Did someone die?” To which my still-loving, but now a bit impatient husband replies, “Yes.”
“So, that’s his son? His son is Ben Affleck’s brother? How is he so old already?” To which he presses pause, explains the crazy reason his kids are suddenly twenty years older in the course of twenty minutes without Matthew McConaughey(hey) aging one bit. “Because, science”, he explains.
This could really go on for hours. Well, about two more by my calculations.
So here I am, staring at this blank page. It has been quite a while since I’ve written, one of my longest breaks in a good amount of time. It wasn’t a planned break, it just happened. Well, life happened, as it tends to do. As much as we try with all of our imaginary might to slow it down, it just keeps on flying and the best we can do is fight to keep our hair out of our lip gloss as it breezes by.
I try to not apologize for it because the time was greatly needed. Adding in a new job on top of my many other roles caused a bit of an imbalance and I am just now beginning to calibrate. I actually think I need to plan more of these breaks as they allow time for a very important gut check. This whole blogging thing is strange, if I really stop to think about it.
“What do you write about?”, they ask.
“Erm, my life? My dogs? My…self?”, I reply a bit sheepishly. It sounds terribly uninteresting. I don’t make any income from it, it just makes me happy. That is until life gets involved and it becomes just another to-do on my list. When it gets to that point and stops being a source of joy, it’s time to take a break and reevaluate.
The verdict? I still really, really love it. Even if no one reads or comments, I will keep on writing. The people I have heard from make it worth it. The creative outlet it provides makes it worth it. The amount I’ve learned about myself through writing here makes it worth it. The amazing people I’ve met through this space of mine make it worth it. It’s all, very much, worth it.
Lately, I’ve been allowing myself to create more. I have so often suppressed my desire to make things, create things, because it didn’t feel productive. It makes me cringe to say it now, but at the time, it felt like a waste. My friend Katie Lee once told me that making time to create is productive and I should plan on doing it daily. It wasn’t easy to do, and it took a while, but I’m finally letting myself do just that. I’m trying to leave space for my creativity to emerge, to grow, to develop in a new way. I’m not always happy with the end result, but I’m stretching those muscles I haven’t used so much. I’m sore in the right places and learning what it is to create all over again. I’ve been earnestly seeking the imagination I left back with my elementary school days. I wish I could go back to that Katy and ask her to teach me how to tap into my imagination, the way she so easily did back then. I’d also give her a hug, because being the chubby kid in school is really, really hard.
I really love this quote by Ira Glass that someone reminded me of on Instagram...
“Nobody tells this to people who are beginners, I wish someone told me. All of us who do creative work, we get into it because we have good taste. But there is this gap. For the first couple years you make stuff, it’s just not that good. It’s trying to be good, it has potential, but it’s not. But your taste, the thing that got you into the game, is still killer. And your taste is why your work disappoints you. A lot of people never get past this phase, they quit. Most people I know who do interesting, creative work went through years of this. We know our work doesn’t have this special thing that we want it to have. We all go through this. And if you are just starting out or you are still in this phase, you gotta know its normal and the most important thing you can do is do a lot of work. Put yourself on a deadline so that every week you will finish one story. It is only by going through a volume of work that you will close that gap, and your work will be as good as your ambitions. And I took longer to figure out how to do this than anyone I’ve ever met. It’s gonna take awhile. It’s normal to take awhile. You’ve just gotta fight your way through.” -Ira Glass
Thank you, Ira. Thank you for putting it into words more perfectly than I ever could have. I will keep fighting.
Image Credit: Photography by Alex Mcdonell/Lettering by Noel Shiveley